I go through many ups and downs in trying to figure out my own personal truth, and I have chronicled some of that on this blog.

In the midst of one recent period of questioning whether the whole thing was/is a sham – thoughts like “C’mon, I’ve always been a guy, still am; why am I doing this to myself?” – I came across the touching and uplifting story of Janet Mock, the beautiful and articulate People Magazine editor who came out as trans in a wonderful interview with Marie Claire magazine.

She has written a book and posted a video of encouragement to transgender youth on youtube (which I have for you, natch!)

While the professed tag line of the video is “It Gets Better,” what hit much closer to home was her reassurance that she knows it gets better, because, in her words, “I am You.”

Well, with thanks for the good intentions and my apologies, she’s not me.

Reading her story, I realized that none of it applied to me.  She always knew she was a girl, and she has turned into… well, you can see for yourself… she’s an accomplished woman, and comes off as almost Oprah-esque – but looking like a supermodel.

Oh, to have the comfort of being so sure.  I know it is a hard road to travel, but for me, the not really knowing for sure is really my only complaint.  (I know I would have others if this question were ever finally put to rest, but I’ll fall off that bridge when I get there.)

I am not wholly a girl – that much is pretty certain.  There may well be a girl within me, but the guy part is pretty comfortably ensconced and I have never seen any reason to discard that part of myself.

There are times when I feel I have the world by the tail – being gifted with the blessing of being of both genders, and loving being this kind of “special.”

But other times, I just wonder if I am just a nut.

Anyone know a good therapist?