08
2011Subtle Difference
After more than two weeks of uninterrupted manhood (slightly impurified by the Janie duties to which am committed and to which I had to attend) I tentatively put my toe in the waters of femininity today.
I am just wearing short workout shorts and a cropped t-shirt and running shoes, but, for the first time in a while, I am allowing my feminine persona to emerge a little, just to feel what it is like. I am still not certain whether the experiment of being a guy is over, but I wanted to see the difference, if only for a day.
It is a subtle thing, but there is a certain lightness to my spirit today, and a certain tinge of excitement that hasn’t been there. In some sense, it takes more energy to be Janie, but Janie supplies that energy right back in turn.
Interesting…
Louise
Hi Janie,
I feel happy for you, be happy as Janie!
Louise
shantown
I’m with ya here, but…. gonna play devil;s advocate for a minute. You mention “Janie duties”. Have you really given “him” his fair shot here? Not that I want you to…I think Janie is great! But….
Has your experiment been tainted some by the fact that you could, and obviously did, still hold on to some of Janie in some way. Could this have been Janie trying on a boy presentation, instead of putting Janie aside and reverting back to the old male days….I dunno… just wondering here… to help you figure it all out…..to spark some thought.
You have developed a very feminine presentation…IMHO. At the very least, any guy attempt would be a very femme guy, with very distinct female details…. your wonderful, long hair, the smooth hairless skin, etc…..Hope you get my drift here…..
I’ve never met “him”…Don’t know that I’d want to. I like Janie just fine. She’s a good friend. I think for you to have such an emotional difference just because of a couple of articles of clothing shows that the girl has always been there, just doing her best to play a boy for a while…..
I’m pulling for ya to figure it all out….. then you can help me do the same……
Klyde
Terrific response shantown. Your questions are thoughtful and sensitive.
cdjanie
Well, Shannon, I wasn’t really holding on to Janie that way – I honestly would have preferred to do the male thing more purely – and I may do if this doesn’t turn out to have helped. It was just a matter of practicality, nothing more.
And, you are wrong about the femme guy thing; I don’t do “femme guy” my long hair notwithstanding. The image one projects has a lot more to do with attitude than hair length.
I am a bit surprised at you for even saying that a couple of pieces of clothing makes such an emotional difference, when we both know it has nothing to do with the clothes. I mean, obviously the clothes, and especially heels can reinforce feminine feelings, and certainly send a message to others, but this is an internal thing. It starts inside with a mindset and emotions, not outside with hair and clothes.
The key words in the post are “I am allowing my feminine persona to emerge.” I made little of the clothes, as you can see.
As always, Shannon, your prodding is appreciated. Thanks for challenging me and making me think and rethink. xo
shantown
I get it….no problem. One of the problems of long distance, electronic “conversations”…hard to explain and develop thoughts and opinions. Again, I was just playing devil’s advocate, trying to provide questions and thoughts you might have to face somewhere along the way.
I understand. I’m on your side….. – You said you are letting your female personna emerge. That sorry devil asks “how are you doing that?” According to your blog, outwardly at least, you simply slipped on a couple of female items…..and you had a lightness of spirit and a tinge of excitement.
I’ll just leave the devil out of it from now on and let somebody else do his advocating…..lol
I”m with ya, gf.
Ashley
You said; “In some sense, it takes more energy to be Janie, but Janie supplies that energy right back in turn.”
So the obvious question is, does Janie return more energy than she demands? If so then maybe being Janie is “better” in the sense that it will be easier to be more creative and responsive in the world????