“You start to realize that if you don’t do something that you are wondering about now, you will never have a chance. It’s a very common theme among all the girls I’ve met who start doing this in their middle age.
Today, I think the younger people are starting a lot more to play with their gender, but that’s the generation after me. Among the t-girls that I know, every single one except for me, had thoughts about this when they were a child – either tried on their sister’s clothes or mother’s clothes, did something for Halloween or whatever, really liked it, thought about it again when they were a teenager, but never really could do it or whatever, for the guilt or pressure, until the middle age. Me, I’m the only one who has never thought, for one second, about doing this my entire life before I actually started doing it at this age.
– Claire Black (Janie)
Cyrsti
Hi Janie. If I’m reading this right, you just started down the gender road just recently?
I’m fascinated if you have an idea of what triggered it?
Mine happened so long ago, I can’t remember a single thought or pattern that started me down this road.
Was yours a TV show or something similar?
cdjanie
Yes Cyrsti. Just a few years now. I’m not sure what triggered it, but it wasn’t a TV show. Anyway, I think it was less of a trigger and more of a gradual realization about my sexuality, I think.
shantown
Interesting comment, Janie, “more of a gradual realization about my sexuality, I think.”
I assume the “it” here is your gender expression, or identity. Yet your comment speaks directly to sexuality. So many work so hard to make the point that there is a difference between one’s “gender identity”, and their “sexual identity”, or “sexuality”. What are your thoughts here? By your comment, it seems that your sexuality realization led to, or is tied, directly to your gender realization.
Just curious, btw. Not trying to cause trouble. As you’ve told me before, your comment was very thought-provoking….and I just don’t know where my thoughts are here….
cdjanie
I figured you’d probably call me out on that one, Shannon, but indeed I do believe that my gender identity is tied to my sexuality. It is through my sexuality that I first perceived, and continue to perceive most profoundly, my femininity.
I have asked myself (and others) what the difference is between being male and being female. This is not an easy question to answer, and there is much overlap between the genders. We can speak of nurturing females and aggressive males, soft females and strong males, emotional females and logical males, sensuous females and efficient males, etc. All true to some extent, all stereotypical and even false to some extent.
But nowhere do the differences come into clearer focus than in the dating and mating dance – and that is the province of sexuality.
That’s my story. I know others feel differently.
shantown
I understand what you’re saying….but it scares me that you “knew I’d call you out”. Yikes!! I hope that’s not in a negative way…..don’t mean no harm, ma’am.
I’m gonna sound like an invstigative reporter here… sorry… but….so, did you begin having “female yearnings” (whatever the h… that might be), and approached the dance from that perspective, or did the dance make you feel that you’d rather approach it from the female side? Or, as they say, which came first, the chicken or the egg??
Or, do we throw out all if this deep stuff, and just say that you prefer the female role in sex?? You prefer to be hunted, instead of doing the hunting???…..well, whatever….
BTW, that’s okay…… so do I!
cdjanie
Shannon, I think your “deep stuff” is more or less the same as your last suggestion – but yes, I believe that’s it.. that I have discovered that I like the female sexual role.