15
2012Compulsive Crossdressing
I recently published a post on Tough Love, which invited members of our community to be more realistic and perhaps judicious in their unconditional support of crossdressers.
Given the consequences of our behavior, I think any of us should be more than happy to defend our choices against strong, well-intentioned opposition. Such an exercise can provide us with more clarity and a better understanding of ourselves.
As I stated in that previous post, I had a comment from a blogger who claims to have been emancipated by his escape from the habit (or addiction) of crossdressing.
For those CDs in our midst who want to read a good challenge to their decision to wear women’s clothes, I refer you to an interesting post on his site “Healing From Crossdressing.”
The post to which I refer is his attempt to equate crossdressing with pornography, both being unhealthy compulsions.
It is not that I agree with his arguments, but I think there is enough there to set a gurl thinking about what she is feeling. And, that’s the point.
I went through it and tried to keep an open mind about each of his arguments. Some clearly held no water for me; others really provoked some thinking.
In the end, I was unconvinced that my crossdressing was a compulsion, negative or otherwise. But everybody’s different, and you may be surprised at your own conclusion. Or not.
Alice
You know it’s funny. I have been crossdressing for a very long time and have purged many times because of feelings of guilt. It’s wrong for a man to dress in women’s clothes even if for what ever your reason weather it turns you on, relaxes you whatever. But is it wrong if it causes no harm to anyone? If only people were more open minded but I also think that it’s us as crossdressers create our own prejudice. We do have quite a few c/d that dress for sex instead of for passing. As I have gotten older I have accepted that I like to dress cause I feel good, still in the closet cause my spouse doesn’t want any thing to do with it but it’s ok respect is what it’s all about.
cdjanie
Alice, I think the point of the post I referenced was that there may not be easily identifiable harm being done to anyone, but perhaps the CD is harming herself, making herself unproductive, anti-social, and compulsive. All questions for eachof us to answer for ourselves.
Ashley
It may be a compulsion fo a fetishistic crossdresser, but for those that are transgendered the drive comes from somewhere else. I don’t think you’re a fetishistic CD. You’re transgendered and probably more so than you might think. But that’s my opinion. .
cdjanie
Thanks, Ashley, but this is not just about me. It is about you too. And everyone else. It is for each of us to ask ourselves hard questions and answer them honestly. Honesty with oneself can be surprisingly difficult.
Ashley
Well, I”m not a CD. Nor did I CD particularly often prior to my transition. (I really can’t remeber but I seem to recall that it as less than 60 times). My most active times CD’ing was during my transition, now I’m just dressed appropriately. I have been known to wear mannish clothes but I don’t consider that crossdressed.
Edy
I agree. Any activity could become negative and destructive whether it be gambling, pornography, drinking or crossdressing. It does not mean that these activities are destructive in and of themselves. Everything in moderation. I believe the biggest challenge we have as dual gendered people is overcoming the shame and guilt that society imposes on us and the internalization that takes place with these two negative cousins that affects our self worth and self acceptance.
cdjanie
We can rank our challenges from biggest to smallest, but I prefer from internal to external. We have to be right with ourselves before we can face outsiders; it becomes a lot easier then too.
thorin25
Thanks again for a kind post. Let me point out that the crossdressing I am “mainly” talking about in that post is the fetishistic sexual addiction kind, the kind that I dealt with. Obviously there are very many other ways and reasons that people crossdress, and many of my points would not apply to those people.
It may very well be that your crossdressing is not an addiction or compulsion and so maybe the post really doesn’t apply to you in some ways. But my main goal with my site is to help those who struggle with it as an addiction as I did.
Thank you for good dialogue. If you’d like to give some pushback or helpful criticism to any of my points in that post, I’d love to listen. I can keep learning and updating my posts.
cdjanie
Thorin, thanks for your post and your comments. I disagree with some of the things you have said, but for the most part, I accept your analysis as a well-meaning effort to understand what some of us are going through. We don’t have to believe the same things; perhaps we are not even going through the same thing. I’m not sure. But, I am sure that there is value in exchanging differing views; those who wish only to hear opinions that match their own limit themselves and often deceive themselves. I encourage you to keep thinking about the way you view crossdressing, keep an open mind and keep learning. That is what I am trying to do.
cyrsti
I thought the next thing he was going to connect to cross-dressing was the 9-11 attacks.
Just because he obviously has strong pornographic ties (if he wants to admit it or not) I resent the fact he tries to bring the rest of us in.
If he doesn’t want to toss on a dress anymore, that’s fine.
Just leave the psycho/babble out of it.
The next thing he will probably blame on crossdressing is Jerry Sandusky’s child molestation tragedy at Penn State.
Bottom line is that anyone who goes this far out to justify not being a crossdresser can’t wait for his wife to leave so he can try on her new dress.
Aaagh! I feel better now!
thorin25
Crysti, I understand that my view would be frustrating for you to read since it’s probably so different from what you believe. In regard to your above comment, as a matter of fact, never in my life have I desired to look at porn. I’m not perfect by any means, but porn was never my thing. And I love my wife very much and much prefer her to her clothes.
I’m not going out and trying to personally condemn everyone who crossdresses. If I was coming your site and posting condemning comments, I’d understand why you’d be angry. I’m not sure what you resent though, what do you mean I’m trying “to bring the rest of us in?” Why am I not entitled to analyze crossdressing and make judgments about it, and wonder about the psychology of it? I’m sure you also have wondered about the psychology of it and made judgments about it, probably judging it to be okay and harmless. In fact, you are judging me quite strongly in some ways in your comment, (quite prematurely I might add).
Ashley
I’ve read the post in thorin25’s site and I offer this. What he is talking about is a sexual addiction. The issues he raises and consequences he describes can be said about any addiction. Like all activities, crissdressing affects your brain chemisty. And when dressing becomes “sexualized” even further brain chemistries are altered. Certain people are far more prone to addictions than others so it is not unusual for some to become compulsive dressers with all the actions and consequences listed. He chose to try to stop his addiction. It is not necessarily applicable to anyone else though. It depends more on whether your crossdressing activity makes you dysfuntional.
John
Crysti,
It seems to be that you are getting quite defensive in your critique of Thorin’s post. I, like most of us crossdressers have dealt with the internalized stigma and shame that has resulted from the perception of us by the general society and culture. I have also gotten quite defensive at times by what I have perceived as criticism or generalizations that have been made about TG/CD’s. However, as Janie has asserted, we should always be open to well thought out opinions as they may shed light for us as to some of our motivations and invite us to being honest with ourselves.
To all posters, I would also suggest reading Thorin’s post “Unconditioning” as I know from mine and others’ experiences that eliminating obvious sexual arousal from our dressing, in some of our cases, has been reason to justify it as an integral part of who we are and not a sexual activity. For some of us, I just don’t think that we are being honest about it and are just rationalizing. I got to a point where if I could dress without sexual arousal, then I was convinced it was more authentic expression but in the long run I believed I was playing a mind game with myself. Each one of us has to decide what it really means for us as individuals, if we are willing to be honest.
bobbie
i am a 62 i love to crossdress on the outside am a male inside am a female i think People or close minded how give a shit what people think i love to be a woman and grow big breast like a female love bobbie
Brenda
I can understand his viewpoint in how he feels shamed and guilty and feels that it is so wrong but I find the only shame and guilt i feel is in hiding it from my spouse. I do think he makes a valid point in that we love women so much we want to be one. I think we all have different reasons for dressing and as the gurls that we are we are more respectful and understanding of those that partake in other fetishstic activity.
gendermender
Hi, Just like to say that I’m a fetishistic crossdresser (as I realise I am now classified). I enjoy crossdressing (not sure if i’m allowed to use the term crossdresser anymore) and enjoy the sexual arousal that comes with it. I have walked in public dressed up and I have also slept with other transvestites. I have really enjoyed this life. However, I do want to stop. Why? because this activity has to be serviced by lies and secrecy. And where there are lies and secrecy there is no trust. And without trust any existing or future relationship is doomed.
cdjanie
Thanks for your comment, Sara. I am not clear on why this activity has to be serviced by lies and secrecy. I understand that it often is, but it need not be so. In my view, a person owes a duty of faithfulness to their commitments, and cheating on a spouse with vanilla sex is the same as with transvestite sex. That aside, it is no one’s business but that of the people involved as to what kinks you may have. Keeping these hidden from people who have no business knowing is not lying.