06
2012For Trans Women, Respect of Women is Self-Respect
When I first started out as Janie, I heard that many people considered t-girls misogynistic. I couldn’t believe my ears, feeling that imitation is the highest form of flattery.
But, I do understand now.
There is a cohort of “t-girls” who disrespect themselves and in so doing disrespect women.
They assume the role of womanhood mainly for the purpose of co-opting feminine values in the service of their own masculine desires. They want to treat women as sexual objects without respect for the whole of their person, and when real women resist, as they naturally would, these “t-girls” take on the feminine role as a way of imposing their masculine sexual values on femininity.
There are many variations, but among them is treating becoming female as a humiliation in itself, defacing women’s lingerie with bodily fluids, and engaging in degrading sexual activity while dressed as a woman.
In my book, these are not t-girls, not trans. They are men. It isn’t a question for them of inner femininity, only the use of the external trappings of womanhood in the service of their masculinity.
I believe that those of us who really do have a feminine side respect women, learn from women, use women as role models to be emulated, and consider it a privilege to be counted among women.
cyrsti
Or the ones who don a dress basically only to pursue others in a dress.
Or just a dirty old man (or middle aged man) in a dress.
You are right Janie…no transness involved.
Just people who if left unattended in public hurt us all.
Just use the recent sudden cancellation of the “U R Not Alone” parties in C-bus, Ohio as an example.
Quality venue….nice effort to help new girls get out of the closet…ruined by the freaks.
Sad.
Claire
“Freaks” might be a little harsh, but then again, I don’t know what happened or who did what in Columbus. I share your frustration at being misunderstood by society as a result of the antics of others, but I am not sure there is anything that can be done, given that their freedoms are as important as my own.
Jamie
What about the millions of real women who get sexually turned-on by humiliation, and deface their lingerie with bodily fluids, and engage in degrading sexual activity while BEING A woman.
They do exist. And you would be surprised how many of them there are. In fact I think they are increasing as a backlash against feminism.
You are making your own misogynistic mistake with that statement by claiming that women are somehow purer and more virtuous than men and the only sex they like is soft and vanilla.
Really, that attitude towards women is Victorian, not modern.
Is it possible that your own attraction to femininity is out of some guilt you feel for being a man and harboring such desires that you think only men have?
Your view of women is Disneyesque, and doesn’t have much basis in reality – many T-girls also fall into the trap of putting women on too high a pedestal, as you have just done.
They are human beings, just like men. With the same flaws, and the same dark streaks.
Once you really start living as a woman, and really start being accepted by other women as one, they will start talking to you and telling you things they will never tell men – then we’ll see how well your hypothesis holds up 🙂
Claire
Jamie, I never said that women were purer or more virtuous than men; each gender has their strengths and failings. But, even if I had, I cannot see how that could be characterized as misogynistic.
I feel neither guilt for being a man, nor am I under any misapprehension about the potential depravity of the female of the species. Neither my perception nor expression of femininity is altogether virtuous and pure, or vanilla.
There is a difference between a woman who gets off on humiliating herself, and a man who humiliates himself BY BECOMING A WOMAN. I find both disturbing, but the man is manifesting an attitude towards women generally, as if the way to degrade a man is to turn him into a lesser being – a female.
I also believe it is beyond question that some men turn to crossdressing in response to their frustration over the way the real women in their life behave: their desire for equality, their refusal to conform to a Disneyesque ideal, their refusal to conform to a Hollywood ideal, their refusal to conform to a pornographic ideal. I am not putting women on a pedestal, though perhaps they are, in a twisted sense. I am merely pointing out that guys who crossdress to change what real women are like into what they would want them to be like for their own sexual gratification, are not trans, not women, not t-girls – they’re men. When they go further and humiliate and degrade the women they are presenting, it would seem to me that they are lashing out at women, doing violence in their minds to women, receiving humiliation on their behalf.
Shannon Townes
I think that’s pretty much just society, human nature. Seems most any demographic group will have fringe elements…those who claim membership but have a totally different agenda than the group. It is always those fringe “members” that reflect so negatively on the group. Unfortunately they are, many times, the most noticeable, and any negative reaction to them is automatically applied to other, legitimate members of the group.
Ashley
The link http://www.ravenkaldera.org/gender/transpersonal/transpersonal-7.html
Has some thoughts on this topic and many of the themes from the last few topics. RavenKaldera is a transman.
Claire
Very interesting article, but much too long for me to assimilate and analyze at the moment. Thanks for the link – I will re-read it as soon as possible, when I have a quiet(er) moment.