30
2013Re-Thinking My Gender Range – Being A Feminine Man
The more I think about these things, the more my thinking evolves and changes. Sometimes it’s two steps forward and one step back; sometimes the reverse.
I know that I am comfortable being a regular guy and I equally accept that I can live as a woman. I have said as much on more than one occasion.
Recently, I suggested the possibility of a feminine man.
However, the only kind of feminine man that appeals to me is one that is totally feminine and pretty; a female in every respect except the bare minimum that takes you back over the tipping point into identifying as male.
In thinking about my gender range, I figured I had a range, from near the male end of the male spectrum to the female end of the male spectrum.
But, that is not really correct.
I can do one end, and the other, but nothing in between. I actually find it much easier to accept the idea of myself as a gay but ultra-feminine man than a somewhat masculine, somewhat effeminate man. Fact is, I still have an abiding need to separate my predominant femininity from my predominant masculinity, whether I go over the tipping point as a female or not.
The concept is actually better suited to describe the way other people might perceive me, people who need to see an evolution from the me they know to the feminine me in order to explain to themselves where the latter came from.
For them, seeing me as slightly more feminine today than yesterday – say, starting to wear a necklace or piercing my ears – and still more feminine tomorrow is kind of like the Grecian formula ads – y’know, so gradual no one will notice. Well… of course they will notice, but it is easier to understand an evolution than a revolution.
Mary-Margret Callahan
Good point about evolution over revolution. People are far more accepting of subtle change as opposed to throwing out the old and replacing it with something completely different. History proves that, with far less carnage too.
MMC
cyrsti
I’m sure I’m not the first or last to mention that sooner or later you answer to yourself and not others. From your pictures I’m sure many already know your “secret” and are waiting on you anyhow. Some friends will stay…some will go and others will appear.
Perhaps I’m over simplifying your process but your evolution is a transgender transition versus a transsexual sex change?
The timing is all you.
Suzi
Why do I think my first guess was spot on? You are simply working your way to living full time as Janie. Write this down some place where you will find it several years from now and see ow close I came to having you figured out long before you did.
BTW – you aren’t the first to evolve from a pretty CD into a wonderfully attractive lady
Ashley
Sounds like you’ve come to the same conclusions we’ve had for some time. You’re Jane; always have been. The “other guy” was simply not you. Not at the deepest core.
But, in order to get to where you need to go, you need to make some life-changing decisions and for that I would strongly suggest (here it comes again) a therapist guide you. What you are proposing to do is filled with perils real and imagined. A therapist can help you through the minefield and help you pick up the pieces should one explode.
xxnicolecd69
I have been following these gender blogs for a while and to be quite frank, my head is spinning. We have or do suffer from these questions ourselves and it is a matter of achieving the right balance between the two persona. No one knows what the correct balance that is right for you except you and sometimes it takes a while to figure out. Myself, no problem, I am a guy who sometimes likes to dress as a woman. For others, they may prefer to spend most of their time as their alter ego fem side. All of us are affected in our decisions by outside influences, whether it be time, family, friends, work, finances or all of the aforementioned. I have been affected by many influences and have not been able to dress because of them but the urge is still there and still very strong. I am envious of those that can. Consequently my focus has shifted from dressing, to appreciating those that can because I can identify with and feel what they are feeling, for example, the thrill of dressing, or the excitement of the feel on nylons on the legs or the click of heels on the floor as they walk. Sorry, I digress, I am trying to say, try not to make it more complicated, but try and break it down into its most basic form if you can and make the decision from there as to who you want to be most. From What I have read, I think you still want to be both but are trying to figure out who is the more dominant of the two Janie’s and live solely as them and that may not be possible in your case. I think deep down, you are very happy being both even if one does live in the shadows. Just my two cents for what it is worth. Remember the line I used and you replied to me that you would like to use it, well it rings true, so true. Enjoy what you have and what you are!!