The current issue of Frock Magazine is out on the virtual newsstands, and there is a six-page spread by and about me, starting at page 58, called “Beauty on the Gender Line.” (The issue is #21, June/July 2013.)

To save you the trip – and a few of their maddeningly ill-advised edits of the article – I reproduce the contents here – though admittedly theirs is glossier and more magazine-like. (See http://frockmagazine.com/frock/) [Note: I believe that only the current issue of Frock Magazine at any time is free, so in a little while, it will be much harder to access the issue with my story. ]

So, here’s the article:

Not too far removed from my 40^th birthday, it started to dawn on me, for the very first time, that there was a femininity stirring within. I knew right away that it was not the sort of thing that was capable of being integrated into my male life; rather it felt, for all that I could tell, like a distinct mindset, a separate way of being.

Quite a development, I don’t mind telling you! “I simply have to write about this!” I thought. And so, pretty much ever since, I have been blogging about my experiences as a woman at JanieBlack.com.

I owe a debt of gratitude to the many bloggers out there who shared their thoughts, feelings and experiences about having an element of the gender opposite to the sex with which they were born. They gave me a sense of community, showed me what was possible, and helped me find the right perspective. My own blogging has also been very therapeutic for me, and hopefully serves as a source of inspiration and information to others the way I was served years earlier.

I have come far – from knees knocking at the thought of stepping foot out the door to bridling at any limitation on my comings and goings. More and more, I care less and less about hiding my female side; I prefer to focus on getting out and living life and being noticed in a positive way for what I am.

But, I might still be in the closet if not for the super-understanding people at Fantasia Fair. Theirs was the transgender convention I decided to make my maiden “maiden” voyage.

They bent over backwards to accommodate my neurotic needs, and then allowed me to participate in their amateur fashion show  – giving me the highly affirming experience of presenting myself to a room full of supportive and applauding strangers.

On top of that, I met many wonderful people, shared experiences and advice, had a great time and created lasting bonds of friendship.

The little town where the convention is held gets overrun with the attendees, such that everyone, from the rank beginner on, can feel comfortable walking the streets, going into the shops and pretty much living normally in the gender of their choice without fear of harm, discovery or discrimination. In other words, I got a taste, right at the start, of how my female life could ultimately feel in the best of circumstances.

And, before too long, my real life came to reflect that same feeling. I pretty much go wherever I please and live my female life without compromise. I have had the opportunity to travel, to model, to shop, to go out to shows, parties and bars, all without any flak.

For a while, I was a regular at a club where, to the best of my knowledge, I was the only t-girl. One night, one of the friends I had made there came over to me and asked me how I did it… how was I able to go out as a woman in society?

I didn’t have an answer really, and just casually, but honestly, said what came to mind, something like, “Oh, it’s no big deal; I just do it. You’d be amazed how much less of a deal it is than what you build up in your mind.”

Little did I know, that was exactly what he needed to hear; he took my words and ran with them. Not only did he come out to the club as his feminine alter-ego, she soon organized a weekly t-girl night there – a safe place with change facilities and a supportive crowd of mostly t-girls to meet each other and dance and have a nice time. I know of many girls who made that the time and place for their first times out.

It was only when I was thanking her for having done all this for the gurls who had no place else to go that I was startled to find out that she credited my little answer with being the key to the whole thing. Just as with Fantasia indulging me, sometimes a little thing ends up changing people’s lives.

I am endeavoring to live my day-to-day life as a woman, and yet, I have no desire to undergo SRS or otherwise try to remake myself into a woman in the classic sense. I accept that I will never be a woman the way my mother or my sister is, that I am a special kind of woman – a testosterone-tinged take, if you will – and I consider that a gift, not something to be rid of. T-girls bring a special set of characteristics to the table that no single-gendered man or woman can match.

I have had my share of wild parties, of steamy seduction, of sexual exploration; I have loved every minute of them and hope to do more. I have also enjoyed the most basic things in life, like going out for coffee or buying groceries in the supermarket or even a simple walk. Just going about life in a female state of mind is what provides the context for everything else, and provides the opportunities to create work-related, romantic or friendship-based relationships.

Living as a female has refocused and re-energized me. There’s just something right about that.