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I always knew that I was happier as a woman, but I’m only just starting to realize why.
I played golf today with a couple of my old male friends. I shanked my share and hit some plain stupid shots, but y’know what? It didn’t affect my mood one iota. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that’s not exactly the way it was in my prior life. Today, all I cared about was being outside on a beautiful day playing a fun game with friends. And, I was happy.
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I used to have a t-shirt that said, “Hockey is Life, the rest is just details.” Well, I was much younger back then… The details are everything now; and hockey has been a casualty until now.
A lot has happened in my life since I have written anything personal here. That simply playing hockey with my friends is such a big deal is but a hint. I used to play all the time, but as my feminine life took over, anything that required me to assume a male role kinda fell by the wayside. Now, as you can see by the photos, hockey no longer requires me to be a guy. And, reading between the lines, the other message is that all my old guy friends know that I am transgender and have been wonderful in accepting me and keeping me involved in our group.
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Looking back on 2014 – not the best year, not the worst. I hope to do much better in 2015. It is high time I followed my heart and conquered my fears.
I am so happy for the friendships that I have made and hope to be a better friend to those I love. But, for now, all I can say is thanks for putting up with me, flaws and all.
Happy New Year!
22
Is this the reality of being trans? That normalcy is a slice of heaven?
I kinda know that already (see Just Living Life, posted only a few days ago), but I saw this graphic today on Facebook and my reaction really surprised me anyway.
Yeah, it’s cute humor, and yeah, there are those who focus on the gun thing and on feminist objections to the father’s protectiveness, but for me what really hit home – and it stopped me in my tracks – was the picture it created in my mind… of having a boyfriend who stood beside me, proud to be with me, and of having the passionate approval and protection of my parents – especially my dad.
Wow!
Funny how the idea of just being part of an almost cliched family experience can be so moving! I see a scene where I am loved and accepted (not just tolerated), protected, desired, wanted, embraced, and where I can have confidence that I belong – and it feels profound.
It seems like just getting back to zero is a major accomplishment for many trans people – and even those whose experiences have been quite positive.
But, I guess heaven is in the small things for everyone. As we strive for money and things and thrills, in a quiet moment it can hit us that genuine love of family and friends is heaven – is the only thing that really and truly matters.
17
In the past, I posted my thoughts on some complex transgender issues, but somehow rarely found time to post about just living life.
Not everything is drama, or even deep. In fact very little is.
We go about our days just living life and being who we are. Sounds boring – and that’s probably why I didn’t write about it before – but if one posts nothing but inner questioning and the like, people tend to get the impression that you are troubled. 😛
So, I’d like to provide a more realistic perspective of my life as a transwoman – largely free of
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Well, I must be the devil in disguise…
I recently attended a busy club night and was approached on the dancefloor by a confident young man. “My name is Adam,” says he. I leaned in and replied, “I’m Janie, and I am trans.” Poof!! I swear he evaporated into the crowd!
Am I really that bad? Are we all?
About a half-hour later, another guy was flirting with me and introduced himself. I introduced myself the same way as before.
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“It means I’m a little different than most women.”
That staggered him. Reeling and shocked, he literally crossed himself, said a prayer and walked away!
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I just read an article cataloging several examples of how trans woman have been beaten to death for failure to disclose their status and how society has condoned or defended the perpetrators of these vicious acts. It has left me with feelings of sadness and outright disgust at the inner hatred that boils within so many people, including those in positions of authority who are supposed to protect the most vulnerable.
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I hope everyone’s been safe and sane all year, and that the holiday season brings you joy and happiness – and lots of good prezzies.
Here’s hoping those who choose to focus their energies and careers on running other people’s lives renew (of find for the first time) their true devotion to public service and love of their fellow human beings.
There is no excuse in this day and age in societies whose minds have expanded to assimilate the concepts of the human genome, nanotechnology and such, that those same minds can be closed to the relatively simple concepts of the endless variety of the human experience and the ways embracing diversity enriches the human race.
More to the point, how can we not realize the obvious fact that compassion and love given freely return far greater rewards than bigotry and hate.
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Ah, life in Canada! We had our first real snowfall here this weekend.
I know, who comes here for the weather report? Well, sometimes all the mumbo jumbo about life as a trans woman comes down to simply living your life.
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The current issue of Frock Magazine is out on the virtual newsstands, and there is a six-page spread by and about me, starting at page 58, called “Beauty on the Gender Line.” (The issue is #21, June/July 2013.)
To save you the trip – and a few of their maddeningly ill-advised edits of the article – I reproduce the contents here –
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