Transgender Life

Aug

15

New Experience

Health and Beauty / Transgender Life  Posted by / 5 comments

I always let you know when I have had a new thought or new experience, sometimes profound, sometimes, well, not so much.

So, within the definite scope of the latter, I present to you a recount of my latest new experience as a girl.

I got dressed this morning in a cute pink t-shirt and low-waisted white denim capris, with white pumps. Bleary-eyed and in serious need of my coffee, I flipped on the machine and read some of the newspaper while it did its magic.

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quiet joy
Aug

12

First Day Back – Quiet Joy

Introspection / Transgender Life  Posted by / 12 comments

I decided to make a trial run of my return to being Janie today.

I don’t know why I chose this particular moment; I had to rush like mad to get ready if I was to make my appointed rounds. And, after so long, I wasn’t sure whether I would remember everything – the makeup, the jewelry, the purse, the walking, the voice. But, I had decided, and when a girl makes up her mind, there’s no reasoning with her.

Or, maybe that’s just me.

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special
Aug

11

Special

Introspection / Modeling / Transgender Life  Posted by / 2 comments
13 of 19 © 2011 Connie Tsang; model: Janie Black
special

“I don’t feel trapped in this body… I find that being both sexes is nicer than being just one alone. I think it’s special in a special way. In a different way, it’s a special thing. A lot of people don’t understand it. A lot of people can’t handle it. A lot of people don’t like it. But for those that do, it’s really something unique and special.” – Claire Black (Janie)
Aug

09

Why Now? – Getting Real

Introspection / Transgender Life  Posted by / 31 comments

Some of you may be wondering, as one reader asked me the other day, why “all this self-doubt has surfaced.”

First, I thank all of you for your concern and encouragement.  But, don’t worry, I’m not despairing.

The truth is, I have kinda forced the issue…

I have been Janie for some time now, and for the most part, I have just let things unfold as nature would have them unfold, and took it as it came.

I have followed a well-worn path of first dressing alone at home, then, feeling the need to get out of the house, I started going to clubs and finding out-of-the-way shops and cafes.  I started posting photos and thoughts on the internet, feeling that the vastness of the world-wide-web offered sufficient protection to my identity – that those I knew would be unlikely to run across my images – and that has held true, so far.

But, as Janie develops, I have found that it is never enough. 

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Aug

08

Subtle Difference

Introspection / Transgender Life  Posted by / 6 comments

After more than two weeks of uninterrupted manhood (slightly impurified by the Janie duties to which am committed and to which I had to attend) I tentatively put my toe in the waters of femininity today.

I am just wearing short workout shorts and a cropped t-shirt and running shoes, but, for the first time in a while, I am allowing my feminine persona to emerge a little, just to feel what it is like. I am still not certain whether the experiment of being a guy is over, but I wanted to see the difference, if only for a day.

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Aug

06

Nature-Nurture

Introspection / Modeling / Transgender Life  Posted by / 8 comments
12 of 19 © 2011 Connie Tsang; model: Janie Black
nature-nurture

“I started doing this, I guess, 4 years ago now. I’m still not sure, even today, if this is something that I’m doing or something that I am. It’s a really big issue for me, because if it’s something that I do, then I have to start asking questions about why I’m doing it. Is it productive? Is it self-destructive? Is it procrastination? Is it guilt? Is it not right? Are you true to yourself? All that kind of stuff. But if it’s something that I am, well, that’s what I am, and I might as well just stop the pretense of a lot of things. But I don’t know that yet. I really don’t.” – Claire Black
natural
Aug

05

A Natural

Introspection / Modeling / Transgender Life  Posted by / 3 comments
11 of 19 © 2011 Connie Tsang; model: Janie Black
a natural

“I saw this girl riding her bike, and I looked at her and I thought, “She’s just dressed in a tank top and jeans and those Birkenstock sandals riding a bike somewhere, just in nothing, just whatever. She’s gorgeous. She’s just so beautiful, and she had to do nothing to be beautiful. It didn’t matter what she wore. She was feminine. You knew she was feminine from 10 miles away, and it didn’t matter. I thought about how I would look if I dressed like that. I’d look like a dock worker.” Claire Black (Janie)
cause or effect
Aug

03

Cause or Effect?

Introspection / Transgender Life  Posted by / 30 comments

Am I trans?

Seems like a ridiculous question.  And yet, here I am asking it anyway.

This is not a semantic or political issue for me, and it’s not a debate about the meaning of the word or the condition.

The question is meant simply to ask whether the girl part of me is really part of my true nature or not.

I have been an observer of this scene long enough to have come to the conclusion that there are a host of reasons why guys dress up as girls, and many of them have little to do with a female spirit living inside them – at least in my view.

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trying on heels
Aug

02

Heels

Introspection / Modeling / Transgender Life  Posted by / 2 comments
10 of 19 © 2011 Connie Tsang; model: Janie Black
buying heels

“It was an absolutely amazing feeling, the first time I wore high heels. It’s almost like someone’s lifting you up and putting you into a vulnerable position… You are put up into a position that’s not natural. It was really kind of an interesting feeling. It was arousing. It was exciting. It was different. Claire Black (Janie)
perspective
Aug

01

Perspective

Introspection / Modeling / Transgender Life  Posted by / 3 comments
9 of 19 © 2011 Connie Tsang; model: Janie Black
perspective

“I certainly had some doubts in my mind as to whether or not, sexually speaking, I was appreciating what the women were doing from a man’s perspective or wanting to do those things myself, have their experience as opposed to… I guess, whether I want to interact with them as a guy that way or to want to have their experience myself.” Claire Black (Janie)