Apr
03
Why do I do this gender thing? This is a big question for me.
Many people have a ready answer, “I was born this way.” I am not sure I believe that about myself, and even if it is so, there is not enough there to stop and put the pen down.
I have noted the number of issues in my life that being Janie has addressed. She has added excitement and motivation to my life, she has increased my self-esteem, she has helped me break some debilitating patterns – and there is lots more I expect to come.
But, I have struggled with the idea that instead of this craziness, of dressing like a woman and having to deal with the doubts I have, the social risks, and other attendant lifestyle risks, that I should just “man up” and get help if necessary, but solve my problems in the “normal” way, through personal growth, and addressing the real concerns instead of doing an end-around.
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Mar
30
Have you ever considered that much of the resistance to MTF transgenderism is based in male chauvinism and misogyny and their equally ugly feminist sisters?
There really shouldn’t be much resistance to a man wishing to become a woman if we really do believe in equality, and if both genders are perceived in a positive light. There is no advantage if women are not superior or entitled to special rights, and there is no shame if women are not inferior. There is no betrayal of one or invasion of the other if the opposite gender is not viewed with suspicion.
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Mar
27
I realize that almost everyone adopts a gender role that is consistent with their sex, but is there any good reason why I should overrule my desire to do otherwise?
There are men and there are women; it should come as no surprise that there are people in between – both man and woman/neither man nor woman/man acting feminine/woman acting masculine/man looking like woman, etc.
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Mar
25
Shortly after the city of Phoenix passed a law broadly outlawing discrimination against transgender people, Republicans in the Arizona state government responded by proposing a law criminalizing the use of gender-designated bathrooms by people whose birth certificates don’t match that designation.
The justification given for such legislation is that, if people born male were allowed to go into women’s bathrooms, it would open the door to sexual predators sharing bathrooms with women and girls.
Evidently, boys are not worthy of protection.
Nor, it seems, are transgender people.
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Mar
12
Here’s my dating advice for those of you interested in me or a trans woman like me…
Be a gentleman. It is so rare that you will instantly become a highly desirable commodity if you do that one little thing.
I understand that your sexual interest in me may have something to do with the ways in which I am different than a woman. You must understand that my interest in you will have everything to do with the ways in which I am the same as a woman.
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Feb
25
In response to my previous post asserting that, for me, living a female life is a choice, one commentator expressed an interesting challenge to that thinking, and one that I feel deserves a post of its own in response:
I wonder if you were required to put Janie away how long it would be before her needs started to show up in ways that you might not expect or find comfortable. I’ve heard the same story from a lot of us that when their female sides were pushed out of sight she pushed back. Nothing is worse than a “T” girl scorned for she will become a real bitch until she is once again free. The free girl is pleasant and relaxed while the closeted one is anything but.
Into a not so scientific experiment? Why don’t you put Janie away and see how long it takes for the choice to become a need?
I don’t have to “put Janie away” for even a minute to realize that I would be pretty miserable without her. All I have to do is think about doing so and I start to get agitated.
That settles nothing, however.
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Feb
23
In all my recent writing about contemplating an adjustment to the way I express my femininity, there is one huge presumption: that I have a choice.
This is not a popular concept within the transgender (or even gay) community, and I am not going to undertake the futile task of even suggesting that my feelings apply to anyone but me. Suffice it to say that there are those who believe that it is a stronger statement to say “I choose to be” than it is to say “I can’t help it,” though the latter has always been a better political argument.
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Feb
20
Despite being a mix of genders – at least when I am Janie – I try to come off as one or the other. And, I do so with good reason.
We live in society – y’know, among other people. 99% (a rough, but undoubtedly fair approximation) understand gender in the binary sense – and to a large extent, so do I.
Presenting oneself outside this presumption will surely turn heads, and likely noses too. If you have a renegade complex, maybe that suits you; it doesn’t me.
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Feb
18
(continued from Beyond Gender)
What we are talking about is the post-gender concept, the “Pejic Ideal,” so to speak: the relatively rare male that can, without body modification or assumption of womanhood, carry off a completely feminine look.
The guy who basically says, “I like feminine things, and if you mistake me for a woman, that’s on you not me.”
The guy who says, “I happen to enjoy the trappings of both genders and I dress in things I like and behave the way I feel. I don’t feel the need to be male or female in order to understand myself. I am just me. I realize that most others will need to put me in one box or the other, but if they do, they will find out things about me that just don’t fit their model. I can play along with people’s need to be able to understand me, but only now and then.”
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05
Therapy
It has been a bad week, blog-wise.
First, someone I thought was a friend expressed “sorrow” at my “gender struggle.”
Then, no less than four others responded to my next post with a recommendation that I get therapy, one of them going so far as to liken trying to find one’s way on her own to representing oneself in legal proceedings – invoking the well-known saying that a person who is her own lawyer has a fool for a client.
I also like sayings – and the more appropriate one for today is: if three people tell you you’re drunk, lie down.
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