Nov
22
Is this the reality of being trans? That normalcy is a slice of heaven?
I kinda know that already (see Just Living Life, posted only a few days ago), but I saw this graphic today on Facebook and my reaction really surprised me anyway.
Yeah, it’s cute humor, and yeah, there are those who focus on the gun thing and on feminist objections to the father’s protectiveness, but for me what really hit home – and it stopped me in my tracks – was the picture it created in my mind… of having a boyfriend who stood beside me, proud to be with me, and of having the passionate approval and protection of my parents – especially my dad.
Wow!
Funny how the idea of just being part of an almost cliched family experience can be so moving! I see a scene where I am loved and accepted (not just tolerated), protected, desired, wanted, embraced, and where I can have confidence that I belong – and it feels profound.
It seems like just getting back to zero is a major accomplishment for many trans people – and even those whose experiences have been quite positive.
But, I guess heaven is in the small things for everyone. As we strive for money and things and thrills, in a quiet moment it can hit us that genuine love of family and friends is heaven – is the only thing that really and truly matters.
Feb
07
Well, I must be the devil in disguise…
I recently attended a busy club night and was approached on the dancefloor by a confident young man. “My name is Adam,” says he. I leaned in and replied, “I’m Janie, and I am trans.” Poof!! I swear he evaporated into the crowd!
Am I really that bad? Are we all?
About a half-hour later, another guy was flirting with me and introduced himself. I introduced myself the same way as before.
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“It means I’m a little different than most women.”
That staggered him. Reeling and shocked, he literally crossed himself, said a prayer and walked away!
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Mar
12
Here’s my dating advice for those of you interested in me or a trans woman like me…
Be a gentleman. It is so rare that you will instantly become a highly desirable commodity if you do that one little thing.
I understand that your sexual interest in me may have something to do with the ways in which I am different than a woman. You must understand that my interest in you will have everything to do with the ways in which I am the same as a woman.
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Feb
18
(continued from Beyond Gender)
What we are talking about is the post-gender concept, the “Pejic Ideal,” so to speak: the relatively rare male that can, without body modification or assumption of womanhood, carry off a completely feminine look.
The guy who basically says, “I like feminine things, and if you mistake me for a woman, that’s on you not me.”
The guy who says, “I happen to enjoy the trappings of both genders and I dress in things I like and behave the way I feel. I don’t feel the need to be male or female in order to understand myself. I am just me. I realize that most others will need to put me in one box or the other, but if they do, they will find out things about me that just don’t fit their model. I can play along with people’s need to be able to understand me, but only now and then.”
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Dec
12
A number of years ago, I wrote about Nicole, a friend of mine who gave up crossdressing/transitioning despite being the prettiest and most feminine t-girl I had ever met. This person decided that it was all a fraud, and he could satisfy all his needs as a beautifully feminine gay man – almost a yaoi character, if you will. (See my post Yowza Yaoi! for my take on this term, and Wikipedia for a more scholarly description.)
The reasons for his decision that the whole transgender experience for him was not authentic had to do with the way his treatment changed from one moment to the next at the hands of the same people, based solely on his gender presentation. (A wig coming off would be a relationship-changing moment, for example.) It seems their like or dislike, attraction or revulsion for him was based not on his genuine soul and personality but on the way he dressed and groomed himself and the efforts he made to transform his gender or not.
I am sure his own self-perception was similarly affected – and I say this out of personal experience.
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Dec
03
Today, I bring you a brand new photo, fresh off the presses. (Or is that, “Hot off the griddle?” … Would you believe, “Right out of the darkroom?”)
Perhaps I shouldn’t comment on my own work, but if I didn’t say stuff, you wouldn’t have a reason to visit, right? So, what the heck…
I really like this shot because it seems there is more to it than simply, “Look at the pretty girl.”
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Nov
17
The grass may seem always to be greener on the other side, but take it from someone who’s walked a mile on both sides, it isn’t worth the gender envy.
Gender Envy by Men
Guys may think that women have it all.
After all, men are beguiled by women’s charms and desirability. And, men are driven to desire sex, while women seem to be able to have as much as they please and yet often decline to partake.
On the dating scene, men must put their egos on the line in pursuit of women, making the first move, risking rejection – and it may often seem that women have no shortage of options at their feet.
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Mar
02
After seeing that episode of Bones, I sat down to write my post about it. In the process of doing so, I looked up references to androgyny in Asian culture and found some fascinating things.
Pretty men in Japan seem to be well-liked by young females, and are popular television personalities and performers as they appeal across a broad spectrum of that society. They are also popular in manga comics as the prototypical male, especially those targeted at girls.
Here’s a telling quote about the history and endurance of this type of character, from the wikipedia entry on the subject (link is below):
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Feb
11
I was watching an episode of Pan Am the other day, in which a stewardess was mortified to find her privately-taken nude photos in a local art gallery.
The gallery owner was quite sympathetic to her embarrassment, but at the same time expressed the profound conviction that the photos were exceptional and beautiful, not for the way they looked but for the way they made him, or viewers generally, feel.
They were art.
Yes, I recognize that porn is also about how it makes you feel, and while we can debate the merits of that another day, the difference here is that the photographs in question touch viewers in far more complex (and even intimate) ways, emotionally and intellectually. Titillation, if at all present, is a subtle nuance rather than a slap in the face (or a yank in the pants).
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Jan
12
It is an inevitable challenge of being a heterosexual t-girl to decipher why it is that you like what you see in the mirror, to distinguish between your internal self and your external self.
As a non-T guy, you can look in the mirror and think that you look good, and that’s as far as it goes.
But, as a trans-woman, your impression is clouded by the simple fact that your guy side will be attracted to your female presentation.
So, when you look in the mirror, are you a woman admiring herself just as any single-gendered person might?
Or, are you a guy, being turned on by that woman in the mirror, whom you know you can have, who you know will do the things you want…
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