I just read an article cataloging several examples of how trans woman have been beaten to death for failure to disclose their status and how society has condoned or defended the perpetrators of these vicious acts. It has left me with feelings of sadness and outright disgust at the inner hatred that boils within so many people, including those in positions of authority who are supposed to protect the most vulnerable.

I quote from a Huffington Post article this past weekend, “The Fatal Transgender Double Standard” by Brynn Tannehill:

The Sad Facts

• In Australia, police took a man into custody. While there, the police (illegally) informed him that his girlfriend was a post-operative transsexual. After being released from police custody, he went home, found his girlfriend sleeping, and woke her up by repeatedly bludgeoning her with a glass ash tray until it tore her lips off. After she lost consciousness, he took her to the attic balcony and threw her over the rail onto the concrete two floors below.  The police who leaked this information got community service as punishment.
• When 18-year-old Angie Zapata’s boyfriend found out she was transgender by forcibly groping her, he bludgeoned her to death with a fire extinguisher. A commenter on the Denver Post summed up society’s feelings in one sentence: “This transgender brought it on himself…”
• In Scotland, a transgender man has been convicted of rape and placed on the sex offender list for not disclosing to his girlfriend that he was transgender before engaging in consensual sexual activity.
• From a link provided in the article: “Two students [at the University of Montana] met at an April 28 dance at the Elks Club, where Anita Green’s friends urged [Obioha] Onwubiko to dance with her. They left the club after dancing awhile. Once outside, within view of several people standing around outside the Elks, Onwubiko began kissing her aggressively, biting her lips, tearing at her shirt and trying to put his hand down her pants. She shoved his hand away and started to back away from him. ‘Then he grabbed my crotch. At this point, he found out I was transgender. I was completely terrified,’ she said. But she said that when she tried to go back into the club, he pursued her and punched her in the eye, knocking her to the sidewalk, where she briefly lost consciousness.” The article, commenting on that link: “One commenter on this assault summed up how transgender people are expected to know their place: ‘Since heterosexual males generally are not looking for a person of the same physical sex as them, shouldn’t this transgender person have informed the man that she is in reality a male? “Anita” Green is the problem here, not the poor guy who got duped.'”
• And in another link: “On Feb. 12, 2008, while in the computer lab of E.O. Green Junior High School in Oxnard, 14-year old Brandon McInerney took a gun from his sweat shirt pocket and shot his 15-year-old classmate Larry King in the back of the head. Larry died two days later. In this case, the “why” seemed horrifying simple. Larry had recently become more open about his sexuality and gender identity; he had begun wearing makeup and women’s high heels to school. Cross-dressing was not common at Green, nor were openly gay students. Larry, small for his age, multiracial and increasingly flirtatious with other boys, was already a target for teasing. As Valentine’s Day neared, Larry approached Brandon as he played basketball with his friends and asked Brandon to be his valentine. Brandon shot him the next day.” The article then offers this tidbit: “After Brandon McInerney shot Larry King twice in the back of the head in the middle of a crowded classroom, the jury deadlocked on the case. Some even sympathized with the murderer. ‘[Brandon] was just solving a problem,’ one juror said.

As I said, all of this saddens me… makes my stomach turn.

The authorities are more dangerous than the criminals

What is most repulsive to me about the whole of these narratives is the total lack of compassion evidenced for our kind – nevermind by the perpetrators, but by the commenters and authorities – and a palpable inference that we are considered somehow sub-human. It is one thing to say that a trans woman should have told so-and-so and that she bears some responsibility for being attacked. It is quite another to say the things you have read in the many citations above. The hate and disrespect shown is most worrisome and upsetting. It is one thing for some mad dog to go crazy and kill someone; it is quite another for a juror to say that the murderer was “just solving a problem,” a policeman to incite someone to this violence, or a commenter to say “this transgender brought it on himself.” That shows how widespread and institutionalized is our lack of acceptance.

It’s depressing, is what it is. And frightening. (Not only are they sending the wrong message to everyone who reads about it and thereby perpetuating the underlying problem, but they are also knowingly unleashing murderous psychopaths on the streets, who are a danger to everyone.)

Protecting Ourselves

That said, I’d like to examine how we should deal with our vulnerability. For me this is not as simple as expressing indignation as has been done by transgender advocates, though that definitely needs to be done. There is a balance that has to be struck between moving our rights forward and our recognition as equal members of society on the one side, and protecting ourselves from the dangers out there. We obviously have a very long way to go on the former, so we need to be smart about the latter.

Sexuality is a very sensitive thing. Sure, it would be nice if guys could just roll with it – find out the woman they are falling in love or lust with is not exactly a cis-woman and either not care, like it even better, or just bow out gracefully. But sexuality is a primal instinct, and there are supposed to be all kinds of innate natural selection cues going on for the propagation of the species. Most people never consider that someone they are dating might be trans as it is simply not on their radar, and it is understandable to naturally be protective of one’s sexual orientation and, at minimum confused by us. Perhaps it is not yielding too much to accept that it is not nice to surprise someone this way nor good for our own safety, and to be forthcoming in saying, “I consider myself to be female, but you are entitled to make your own assessment.”

What do you think? Is it too much of an affront to our dignity to disclose our trans-ness? Or is it just a reasonable compromise between our needs and those of others?