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2012Discord – Masculinity and Makeup in the Mirror
I have spoken in the past about the feelings of discord that come from seeing my masculinity contaminate the feminine image I seek to project.
I have offered thoughts on the concept of shame and implied gender chauvinism (as in, “Why would you do that to a perfectly good guy?”).
But, I am coming to a different realization these days…
I don’t think it has anything to do with demeaning the male inside me, delusion or questions about the validity of my femininity. Rather, I think it is simply a question of failure.
Being feminine as a man is risky business. It is like trying to jump a chasm. If you miss, the consequences are dire.
That’s what puts the pit in my stomach… the worry that I am, in some way, exactly what I never wanted to be – a man in a dress, so to speak.
Seeing masculinity in the mirror is simply a sign to me that my efforts at femininity are not entirely successful. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that it is the price I have to pay to be able to be convincingly male some of the time. Other times, it is just a sign that I have to redouble my efforts.
But, it is no reflection on my internal womanhood, which remains intact.
The proof of this is that if I simply close my eyes, my feelings of femininity persist, but the angst disappears.
Ashley
Every woman has something about her that is masculine. Perhaps not all the time and perhaps you have to look for it, but it IS there. SO fret not. It doesn’t make you any more or less of a woman than the next.
A male can be femininie either as a man or a woman. Male-female, man-woman, masculine-feminine, are all different things and relations. It is no more harder to be a male, feminine woman than it is to be a male masculine man. Both are personas that deny a trait that is inherent in a whole person.
Shannon Townes
As I’ve said before, all of us, yep, you too, can be too hard on ourselves here. First, we are afraid there are masculine traits lurking somewhere, so every time we look at ourselves our focus goes right there. Sure enough, we find that needle in the haystack….but look right past all of the many wonderful feminine traits in the process. We’ll find what we’re looking for.
I bet, when you pass a woman on the stret, or anywhere, you don’t take the time or effort to analyze and look for imperfections. Yet we all assume that our own imperfections are the first and only thing people see in us.
Second we all irrationally want our look to be perfect. Nobody is!! Yet we allow ourselves to be seduced by images of sexy models and celebrities, desiring a standard for ourselves that few achieve. If we don’t achieve that goal….and granted, some do…..we “fail” in our femininity. Gosh, there are millions of “failures” in the world.
Just remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In you, dear Janie, we behold one beautiful woman.
We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.
Klyde
I think Shannon is 100% correct in her assessment.