It seemed to me an awfully big deal to finally see the possibility of expressing my feminine gender identity as a man rather than as a woman. (See Trying on the Yaoi Gender Mix for Size and A New Take on My Male Gender Identity for more.)

I have expressed concerns about the latter, feeling to some degree, inauthentic, or put on. And, I have expressed the opinion that as long as I stay on the male side of the coin, the degree of my femininity is merely a question of fashion and therefore not subject to the same kinds of reactions and objections as gender questions might be.

Well, I didn’t get very far along this yaoi road before reality – at least my reality – stepped squarely in my path.

Whatever note my friends may or may not have taken of my attempts at androgyny, whatever they may have said or held their tongues and not said, my family is more honest with me. And, at the first exposure, the message came through loud and clear:

“You look like a girl.”

There were no shades of gray, no tipping point on a spectrum, no gender identity distinctions, just that.

Same outfit as the other day, and I got hit with: “You might as well be wearing a leather skirt and heels.”

Note also that the fact that I wasn’t behaving in any way in a feminine manner never entered the equation.

Kaaapppowwwww!! The whole concept detonated. All those shades of grey polarized instantly into black and white. Any gender identity distinctions I thought I was making, pulverized and run over with a bulldozer.

Perhaps it is just as well.

I’ll explain next time.