09
2013Gender Identity Distinction – Theory Meets Reality
As much as theoretically I saw a helpful gender identity distinction at the boundary-line between male and female, I have found the distinction difficult to sustain on the ground.
For me to behave in a feminine manner, I have to channel a distinctly female energy within myself. I am not able to become a feminine man other than by seeing the world from as female a perspective as I can muster, and then stepping back over the line by filtering out certain clothes.
But, why filter out those clothes? Is it that they don’t appeal to me? Of course not.
I have struggled with the potential duplicity of being a man dressed as a woman. (See here.) But, I’d suggest that it is no less false to be a female spirit dressed as a man.
Let’s be honest; my male spirit doesn’t do “feminine.” Never has.
There is something to be inferred from the fact that the only kind of guy that I can accept as feminine is one who is basically female in every way except his clothing and chromosomes. On the one hand, that made me feel like at least I wasn’t pretending to be female; but on the other, what difference do the clothes make? I was female no matter what I called myself.
I know there is some incoherence in my thoughts on this matter. Fact is, I am beating the ideas around, kneading them like a stiff dough, pounding them every which way.
But it all hasn’t quite come together yet…
Ashley
Like I (and many others ) have been saying. You’re fundamentaly female . You’re just ina man’s body.
Not that you do “female” so often it’s just that your so good ati it it has to be your true self.
shannon
I have another girlfriend who went through all of this same type of self-analysis once. A part time girl, she was very deep, thorough, analytical…asking herself many questions, etc, etc. Went through quite a self-realization process much as you are.
She is now a full time woman. Has been for quite a while. Basically, her efforts helped her get out of her own way and live!
Be open, dearest Janie, to allow yourself to go wherever all of this takes you……luv ya!
Suzi
Good advice from Ashley and Shannon – after you get done with all the thrashing you will probably slide over to being a pretty women. I’m betting that is less than a year away. 🙂
Andie
I’ve watched your analysis go round and round, much as my own did for 18 months. Now, over 10 months since I gave up living as a man altogether, it just makes an awful lot more sense. When you stop analysing and accept your inner gender, a lot of things just fall into place.
Just be. There is peace to be found.
Jay
Like some pieces of dough, you may just need to let the ideas flowing through your head rise for awhile…as you seem to be doing.
xxnicolecd69
Maybe it is all about being content with yourself in whatever mode and to heck with what everyone else thinks. Myself, I am not that strong.