Deena,
I am glad that you decided to go ahead with your response; I am also somewhat hesitant about undertaking this discussion, but I think it is important. An exchange of comments, as compared with a personal discussion, is so much more fraught with the potential for misunderstanding and I hope we both (as well as others that read these words) keep that in mind and interpret the other side’s statements with generosity and an open mind. (And, I apologize in advance for the length of this diatribe.)

In answer to your “mutual support question,” just imagine before women had equal rights, a woman asking an MTF transsexual that very same “mutual support question,” telling them that society wanted to pass the ERA but was having a hard time with the lines of demarcation about exactly what a woman was, so: “Are you willing to stand up and say that from a “rights” standpoint you are a man no matter how you are dressed and that you support full “rights” as a female for a genetic woman without expectation of receiving them yourself?

More than slightly offended, the MTF-TS might have responded, “But, I am a woman too; why won’t you recognize that fact!”

Some CDs might say something similar to you.

You have read, no doubt, my self-description and perhaps a few of my posts, and you know that I consider myself to be, in some part, female. There are many CDs who feel the same way (or even more female) as distinct from those who feel themselves simply male, and who tend to be what the public thinks of as a crossdresser. I‘m sure you know this.

Those of us that assert a true female component are not pretending. Why would we be?

We may not be single-gendered or wrong-gendered as a transsexual often is, but that doesn’t invalidate the extent of our womanhood. People in our community, more than all others, should understand that gender may very well not be an absolute choice: M or F. The difficulty you speak of in drawing the demarcation line of gender may very well be due to the fact that gender can be fluid, changing or unclear. The dinner conversations you mentioned prove as much.

I think it is rich for women who have gone through transition to rail against the unwillingness of society to recognize them as women, then turn around and deny the same kind of recognition to CDs who assert a female component.

I am sorry that our existence is inconvenient for the MTF-TS political cause, but that doesn’t make it any less valid.

How could you even ask me to accept being treated as a man when I am dressed and acting as a woman? You want me to use the men’s washroom in a miniskirt and heels? It’s ok with you if I am fired because someone finds out I sometimes wear women’s clothes? It pleases you if I am prevented from expressing my true feminine feeling at work by dressing according to which gender I feel? Perhaps people can refuse to serve me too?

Here’s something else: imagine a commited CD, pretty, lovely natural long hair, hairless body, dresses almost every day, very feminine, tells anyone who will listen that she feels herself to be female at least by half, maybe even has gotten a boob job. She’s sitting in a bar with her TS friend, both dressed in sexy female clubwear, and they are being harassed by two men. Push comes to shove, and mace or pepper spray comes out, and the police are called and our two gals and the two guys are all charged with assault and taken to jail. Are you seriously advocating that the TS be put in either solitary or with women while the CD gets treated as a man?

I understand that we complicate the problem and that society will have trouble setting itself up to accommodate us properly. But I, for one, am happy that the policeman who pulled me over a couple of weeks ago didn’t treat me badly because I’m a CD. I’m relieved that flight security doesn’t accuse me of wearing a disguise. I’m happy that most everyone I meet treats me as a woman. And I want to see society encourage that.

I’m disappointed that, in the name of mutual accommodation, you’d rather none of those things was true.

As I see it, legislation like ENDA was designed with the laudable goal of protecting people from discrimination of the basis of gender identity, and not to confer the status of “woman” on anyone. If you could prove scientifically that MTF-TSs are indeed women, they would have the same protection from discrimination that women have. Laws like ENDA are meant to protect people who are discriminated against because they are NOT women, or men, but rather have a gender identity that is different and might invite discrimination.

In other words, me and people like me. And, of course, any TS that accepts that she is NOT a woman in the law’s eyes.

I was perplexed and amazed (not in a good way) that your expression of mutual support is that CDs give up their rights as a female and then CDs give their support to transsexuals to get those rights. CDs give, and then they give more. TSs just get. How is that mutual?

Rather, I have a different idea for mutual support: How about we support each other, to wit: TSs stand up and proclaim that any CD that “feels” themselves to be female is in fact female to the extent of that feeling, and support CDs rights NOT to be discriminated against on the basis of gender identity. At the same time, CDs support amending the definition of “woman” in all legislation to include transitioned transsexuals.