During this week, I have made a point of concentrating on the way I speak.  I mentioned last time that I took a voice lesson and attended seminars at Fantasia.  But, what I want to talk about now is what I am learning from myself, having spent the week focusing on my speech.

This is the first time I have not let myself off the hook in terms of communicating as a woman.  In public, in private, alone or on stage, talking to others or to myself (yes, I am nuts!), I insisted from myself that I speak as a woman.

I usually let my guard down when walking on the street or sitting at home talking about stuff with GF.  Not this week.  If I got upset, I’d often tend to fall back into guy voice to cope; not this week.  In fact, any time I found myself faltering in any way, I’d excuse myself and go to the bathroom and regroup (something that became less necessary as the week wore on).

And, you know what?  It made a really huge difference!

The difference I am speaking of is not about whether my voice has improved or not; it is about the way I feel.

Though it may be obvious to some, I found it profound that, to a much greater extent that dressing as a woman for a solid week or spending time with other CDs, speaking consistently as a woman translates into really feeling female.  It is about so much more than the sound that comes out of your mouth; it is manner, attitude… a way of being.

And, it is those times when I am doing something completely mundane, like packing, or getting frustrated looking for something, or yelling at my computer, or trying to catch my breath after eating fiery-hot food, that speaking or reacting as a woman really touches me and makes me realize how different I feel in that moment than my prior normal!

It is the most feminine I have ever felt.  And, it is wonderful!