25
2010Just Couldn’t Do It
I never know how different I appear outwardly as compared to my inner self-perception …
Yesterday, I went out for dinner with someone whom I was excited to meet and whom I’d hoped to impress, but try as I might, I couldn’t manage to feel my true girly self the whole night!
I couldn’t find the right posture, the right voice, the right mood…
Maybe it had something to do with the mad dash I had to make in order not to be late – rushing to get ready, driving like… well, a man – an aggressive man, barely making it under the wire, etc.
Whatever it was, I guess I never had the emotional time I needed to settle into my Janie-self, and it never really came to me.
As nice a time as we had, I wasn’t really comfortable all night, and when I returned home, I quickly threw off the heels, dress, bra, and jewelry (picture things flying off in all directions – it was quite an emotional catharsis) and replaced them all with an oversize t—shirt and fluffy slippers… then, finally(!), I felt much better!
…in fact, I actually started to feel feminine… more specifically, a completely spent girl. A wave of fatigue hit me…
So, I relaxed and watched a quick sitcom to unwind, and then went to sleep and dreamed nice dreams of my new friend 😉
******
I wonder if anyone else has had this experience of not being able to find their feminine self for a while… any insights?
Andrea
I can just picture that jewelry and clothing flying off in all different directions…your heels hitting the wall…the visual had me laughing and I can relate to my clothing being thrown off or throwing it off that fast in different directions, usually for one of two reasons, if not both…1) I was all dressed up performing in a dress or professional engagement and couldn’t wait to just curl up and be cozily casual as you felt…or 2) I was feeling super duper frisky and just couldn’t wait to get my hands on myself or have someone else do it for me…Alone or with a lover, it’s all fine-n-good. Peace, love! xxoo
PS Being a ggg, (giggly girly girl) as you know, yes…I’ve had momentary insecurities and discomfort on dates, which have related to age and feminitity for me. For instance, sometimes while on a date or friendly outing, I’ve had the momentary irrational thought that I sounded too much like an old hen intlellectual and had lost my girlish charm-n-whimsy somewhere in my 20s. Then, I say to myself, “Psst! Andy, wake up! You ARE girlish charm-n-whimsy! You may be close to 40 but that’s no matter; you will always be filthy cute.” So, to you, I say, “Janie…when dressed up in all your lovely threads, you can’t be anything other than girlish charm-n-whismy. You are the essence of it.” I have glorious firsthand experience of that…you are the most natural, confident girl I’ve ever seen! Cheers to you in all your sexiness, love. xxoo
Andrea
ugh..I spelled a couple of words wrong there…but ah well! The brain is nimble; the fingers and flesh are weak! xxoo