Despite being a mix of genders – at least when I am Janie – I try to come off as one or the other. And, I do so with good reason.

We live in society – y’know, among other people. 99% (a rough, but undoubtedly fair approximation) understand gender in the binary sense – and to a large extent, so do I.

Presenting oneself outside this presumption will surely turn heads, and likely noses too. If you have a renegade complex, maybe that suits you; it doesn’t me.

Besides, any mix of gender is a tough thing to carry off successfully given the large consensus on gender out there and the vital role gender plays in people’s psyches. The more visible it is, the worse the odds.

Flouting Gender Convention

Take a guy who chooses for his gender presentation to wear a dress and a beard, for example. I can assume he is purposely flouting gender convention to elicit a reaction, but that may not be fair; he may feel simply that he is unbounded by gender and simply does what appeals to him without regard for gender convention – not that much different from me in that sense.

If you want to do the beard/dress thing, more power to you. It certainly doesn’t appeal to me.

Nor, it would seem, does it make sense from an evolutionary standpoint.

Darwinian Gender

It is fairly well-settled that both men and women find women more attractive than men. Masculinity is more a way of protecting one’s turf among men than turning on women. To the extent it does the latter, it is because she feels protected by that male strength.

If you look at it in a primal sense, a guy putting on a dress will likely lose the respect (and fear) of your fellow man (and woman) and make you appear weak.

On the other hand, my theory is that a man who is so female as to come off as female is attractive as a female, even though he is male. He can function as a female, attracting both men and women based on his feminine beauty, so that he can function in the pecking order as a female even though he is not.

Toeing the Gender Binary Line

Beyond that, as I said, people understand gender in binary terms. It may be difficult for people who know me to understand why I want to present as both genders, but the simple fact is that for the vast majority of strangers, I will fall easily into one of the two choices by which they understand interpersonal relationships.  There is no discord, no obvious violation of their world view on gender.

Even if people know I am a man wearing a pretty dress and makeup, sitting across the table from me, it will still be easy for them to forget that. There is no constant reminder, which makes it less unpleasant for them.

Balancing one’s desires and true nature with one’s need for participation in society, I believe that presenting oneself in a way that is likely to, if not appeal to, then at least not offend most folks is a good idea. For me, “Man” works. “Woman” works. The jury’s still out on “Androgyny.”