(…continued from Missed It By That Much)

I ran into the wife of a friend of mine, in a place where and at a time when I often would go as Janie; fortunately I was in guy mode.  She happened to mention that she frequents a nearby cafe for lunch that I have often gone to as Janie (though never at lunchtime).

So, I missed being discovered by the skin of my teeth, now what?

Nobody said life as Janie would be dull, right?  (…kinda the point… though I can do without this particular kind of excitement.)

Clearly, if she had “caught” me, all my friends would have known in fairly short order.  Once a wildfire starts spreading, it is difficult to contain, so it is impossible to know how far the flames would have spread.

By the 6 degrees of separation theory, it is more than a little possible that the news would reach the ears of people I absolutely do not want knowing.

Dealing with my friends would not be optimal, but I would cope.  There would be changes, to be sure, but who knows how things come out the other end?  People often surprise you.

But certain people don’t – and those are my bigger worry.  Again, I’d survive, but I’d much rather not have to go through that.

So, is it worth the chance I am taking to be able to freely walk the streets?

Risk Assessment

First, let’s better assess the risk.  Remember, she called to me from behind; what are the chances that she would have thought it was me if I had been in female clothes?  It is easy to recognize a guy you know with long red hair – he presents a distinctive target for one’s eye; but as a woman, I am just another redhead.

Ah, but she could just as easily have been in front of me.  True.  But, then I would likely have seen her and taken evasive action or at least walked quickly by.  I certainly wouldn’t have responded to her.

And, she would have been left with, at worst, this sneaking suspicion that maybe, “Could that have been him?  Nah!!”

Context plays a big part in recognition, so that even in these circumstances, being caught dead-to-rights is unlikely unless I give it away on purpose or by accident.  No one is going to readily assume something that is opposite to everything they know about you based on a momentary glance.

Of course, seeing me sitting in a cafe, stationary and trapped – that’s a different story…

Obviously, there’s risk – it is not like I didn’t know it before.  But, to avoid that risk means staying at home as a girl, or just going out to t-friendly bars that way.

I don’t think that works for me.

Risk’s Rewards

To be honest, I often get more pleasure from walking on the street in a sundress and sandals in the summer than going out to a bar.  There is a freedom, and a normalcy about just being that I love.

Being Janie is not about wearing a costume or a sexual fetish; it is just my way of living.  That is why I cherish doing everyday things as much as and maybe more than going out on the prowl.

I have been duly chastened, however.  And, the thing that has hit home is that playing at this is a dangerous game.

I need to make a decision about where this is leading, and soon, before the worst happens: I end up outed before deciding that I’m better off just being a guy.

I need either to commit to my girl self for the long haul or give it up before I fall into the abyss.