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2012The Meaning of Gay
The other day, I saw a crime show on television called “Perception.” The basic premise of the particular episode in question involved a doctor who was “curing” men of their gay-ness by giving them a pleasure-inducing drug and having them have sex with women while feeling that pleasure. The idea was to create a permanent association between hetero sex and pleasure.
The doctor’s clients were invariably men who loved their wives and each wanted not to be gay in order to make his wife happy.
Leaving aside the politically and scientifically charged issue of the therapy itself, it occurred to me while watching this show to wonder whether “gay” was a sexual or romantic preference? Is it about love or sex?
In this respect, is it possible to be romantically attracted to someone while sexually oriented to exclude her sexually? I am fairly clear on sex without love, but not so much on the reverse.
Any thoughts?
p.s. The photo for this post comes from an article from this past August about a California ban on the therapy in question and the objections of those who support the right of people to choose it for themselves or their children. (To read the article, click here.)
Billie
At the ripe old age of 14 I underwent over two years of court ordered therapy to “help” me become more straight and less gay. I eventually married a GG but, as it turned out, it changed absolutely nothing within me. I’m now divorced.
Ashley
There are many many cases of platonic romances between people of different sexes and same sexes. We are now just getting our heads around the concept in our society. The words “bromance” and “man-date” have been coined to describe male same sex non-sexual (and non-sports related) activites. Women have historically been more open to these types of acitivites and few social taboos existed. So non-sexual “deep” friendships do exist.
As fo the California law, the Psychiatrists and even some of the early proponents say that these therapies do more harm than good.
Jamie
Have been in “love” with a number of women over the years – but I prefer men in bed.
I don’t understand how anyone has to include sex and love as inseparable – many people love each other, yet have sexless marriages, often because of physical problems that have occurred after the marriage, such as frigidity or impotence, or becoming paralyzed. Yet they stay together, and stay in love.
Romantic love (without sex) also has a long and well-covered history in literature and poetry.
And traditionally, in Western culture, most people in the past married out of love, and never even had sex until the wedding night – or at least so say the myths. . .
Janie
I don’t know…. In my mind, Ashley, “platonic romance” is an oxymoron.
Jamie, romance without sex, when there is a physical problem is different from being able to be in love with someone that is not of the gender to which you are physically attracted. The question is, if you are able and wanting to have sex – a primal human urge – can you be in love with someone – romantic love – and feel no sexual urge toward them or anyone of their gender?
If they are indeed separable, my original question remains: is “gay” or “straight” about physical sexual attraction, or is it about romantic attraction?
Jamie
I answered that in the first line of my comment, “Have been in “love” with a number of women over the years – but I prefer men in bed.”
There is no “gay” Sweetie, nor “straight” either for that matter. Maybe 1 in a million people is 100% “straight.” or 100% “gay.” For everyone else it’s a sliding scale.
You don’t fall in love with a vagina or a penis – that’s “lust.”
Love on the other hand is a connection you feel with that other person’s soul. Whether you follow that up with sexual relations, is, as always, a complicated question depending on so many things, including not only your own gender, but your own conceits about your gender.